Title: Walls
By Nicollette Marquis McFadgen
Joss Whedon and David Greenwalt own the characters, although, they 
hardly deserve them.


"Doyle," Cordelia said in an exaggerated sweet voice. "You have to open
that book to be able to read it."

Cocking his head to the side a little nervously, Doyle replied, "Maybe I
don't want to read it."

Chuckling to hide her annoyance, Cordelia smiled widely. "Maybe you forgot
what we're doing at the office at ten o'clock on Friday night. It's called
researching. See, we get books and websites and reports and we look at
them, searching for anything to help us. . ."

"I think he knows what researching is, Cordelia," Angel said in a bored
tone.

Looking up at the vampire leaning against the doorjamb, Cordelia asked,
"Then why am I the only one doing it?"

Angel's brow creased at her question. She did seem to be doing the work
while Doyle sat off to the side. "Doyle? Can I see you for a moment?"

"You can see me for many moments. See?" he said, holding out his hands.
"I'm in plain view."

"In my office."

Sighing deeply, Doyle stood and walked past Cordelia's desk and into
Angel's office. As the vampire closed the door, he asked, "What's going
on?"

"Nothing."

"Do you have some more demons chasing you?"

"No," Doyle sighed angrily. "I'm glad you think so highly of me."

"Well, why aren't you helping tonight?"

Flopping down in a leather chair, Doyle blew out a harsh breath of air.
"The books are dusty."

Angel blinked, trying to figure out the statement. There had to be some
kind of hidden meaning to it. Rounding his desk and then sitting down
behind it, Angel raised an eyebrow. "Old books tend to be dusty."

"And dust makes me sneeze."

Finally catching on, Angel nodded. "And sneezing causes your face to
change."

"And having my little spikes making appearances in front of Cordy isn't
something I want to happen."

"You still haven't told her about the half demon part?"

"You know I haven't," Doyle replied, turning his head to stare out the
window, watching Cordelia flip through old, dusty pages. "She's anti-demon,
man." Shaking his head, he turned back to Angel, "She thinks we're all bad.
The possibility of there being a good demon hasn't even crossed her mind."

"She doesn't seem to mind me much. I'm a demon."

Doyle shook his head. "No. She separates you and your demon. She doesn't
hate Angel, she hates Angelus, whom she considers to be the demon." Rubbing
his eyes with his palms, Doyle said, "No, if I let her know that part of me
is a demon, I've lost any chance with her. She'd never let me. . ."

"Do you think she's going to care that much? You've proven a friend to her.
She's gotten to know you and if you want my opinion, I think she likes
you."

"Yeah, that's 'cause she thinks I'm a human. But once she knows my da was
Ragicht demon, she'll change her opinion of me right quick."

Raising an eyebrow at the other man, Angel asked, "Do you think so little
of her?"

"Man, you weren't around when she went off on demons."

"Cordelia says a lot of things. . ."

"She meant this."

Angel nodded. "Maybe she did and maybe she doesn't like demons, but maybe
it's your job to change her mind about it. Show her that prejudice and
stereotyping are wrong."

"Or," Doyle started, his face relaxing, "I can keep on letting her think
I'm one hundred percent human and she can go on liking me and who knows
maybe her like can grow."

About to tell him that lies never made a good foundation of relationships,
Angel stopped before he started. A knock sounded and both males turned
towards the door. Cordelia opened the door and let three fat books drop
from her hands. Her bag was hung around her shoulders and her jacket was
on. "I'm finished researching. You don't pay me enough to do three people's
work. Don't call me to come in when the two of you are planning on doing
nothing but sit around and talk. I've got better ways of spending my
nights." The two men blinked as she raised an eyebrow in challenge. She
obviously wanted one of them to say something, an apology, but when they
both stayed silent, she let out an indignant laugh. "Whatever," she said as
she turned around and walked away.

Angel was the first to recover, so he launched himself out of his chair and
within a second, he'd caught up with Cordelia before she had a chance to
exit the building. Placing a hand on her shoulder, Angel said, "Cordelia."

"What?" she asked angrily as she turned towards him. "What? Is there
something else I can do tonight? Would you like me to bring you and Doyle
some coffee while you two sit on your asses?"

"Cordelia, we were just talking about. . ."

"I don't care what you two were talking about. You called me tonight, while
I was enjoying a nice, relaxing bubble bath, I might add, to come in and
help you figure out who's the baddie in this case. A case that you're doing
pro bono."

"It involves the end of the world, I can't very well ask for a fee, can I?"

Cordelia just looked at him, ignoring Doyle who had made his way out of the
office. "You miss the point of, like, everything I say, don't you?"

Sighing, Angel conceded. "What's the point then?"

Giving an incensed laugh, she answered, "Never mind. I'm going home and I'm
not going to think about Hericular demons or bloody corpses or you know
what? Even you or Doyle, 'cause I don't care."

"Cordy," Doyle finally said, trying to use her nickname in a way to calm
her.

"No," she said firmly. "You and Angel can research or sit around all night
not doing anything, I don't care. But I am not staying so that I can do the
work while you guys talk. See you on Monday." Without anything further,
Cordelia turned around and opened the door, moving through it quickly.

"Should we go after her?" Doyle asked.

Angel shook his head. "No. She's too angry." Turning to face Doyle, Angel
commented, "She has been working really hard lately and I don't think she
has any friends to go out with. It's got to be hard."

Arching his eyebrows Doyle asked, "And that's supposed to explain why she
went off on us?"

**

Hanging her coat and her purse up on the coat rack, Cordelia moved to the
coffee pot and put in a fresh liner. "Morning," she said without looking as
she poured in the coffee grinds. "We're going to need more coffee soon."

"Feeling better today?" Angel asked.

"Yep. So, did you stop the end of the world?" she asked as she turned to
face him.

"Well," Angel said and then coughed, "it ended up not being the end of the
world. The guy was all bark and no bite."

Nodding, Cordelia quickly rounded Angel and moved to her desk. "So. Where's
Doyle?"

"Probably sleeping off his bottle of whiskey from last night."

"Color me shocked," Cordelia said in a bored tone.

Moving a chair around so that he could sit down next to her, Angel decided
just to barrel forward and not beat around the bush. "So what was up on
Friday?"

"What do you mean?"

"The whole walking out thing."

Shaking her head, Cordelia pretended to be interested in looking through
the bills once again. "You two were really annoying me."

"There's more to it," Angel said.

Turning towards Angel, Cordelia looked at him in disbelief. "How the hell
do you know? Why couldn't I have just gotten fed up and left?"

"Because you're not the same person you were in high school and because I'm
sure you've been annoyed lots of times but that was the first time you
walked out."

Sighing, Cordelia simply said, "I have things on my mind, Angel, and being
called in to do all the work didn't make me happy."

"What things, Cordelia?"

"You're not my therapist."

"Do you have one?"

"No, but if I did, it wouldn't be you."

"Cor. . ."

"My parents are getting a divorce and they both want me to testify against
the other. My grandmother is sick and I'm supposed to care, but it's hard
when she knows how hard I'm struggling to make ends meet and she won't even
give me a loan because I'm my father's daughter. Like it was my choice. My
perfect older sister called me to say that she's getting married to the
perfect guy and she'll be moving to perfect Italy with him. Phantom Dennis
is going through this weird phase where he gets up at night and turns on
the Village People and I end up having to sing the Macho Man song to get
him to shut it off. I got a letter from Xander the other day and he's going
out with Anya. Oh yeah, and I'm on my period. Are you happy now?"

"I didn't know you were going through all that," Angel said softly.

"Yeah, well I am and the last thing I needed the other night was to have
all this work pile up on my desk."

"You know that we didn't expect you to do it all. We were just talking but
we were going to come out and help again."

"What was up with Doyle anyway?"

Knowing that the half demon wouldn't want Angel to tell Cordelia about his
parentage, Angel just shrugged. "He's got a lot on his mind too. Not as
much as you but. . ." Angel scrunched his brow for a moment before saying,
"He likes you, you know."

"No he doesn't," Cordelia said, almost defensively.

"Yes, he does. I know you see it." Cordelia didn't say anything. "So how do
you feel about him?"

"He's okay, I guess." Almost feeling Angel's look, Cordelia sighed. "Look,
Angel, I'm not going to get all touchy feely, okay? He's alright."

"But just the other day, you were telling me. . ."

"Yeah? Well, that was before I knew his name was Francis and he had a
wife."

"Actually, he's full name is Allen Francis Doyle and he signed the divorce
papers."

"So? He still kept us in the dark on the whole thing, I mean, what else is
in his little closet? For all we know he may be a. . ." Cordelia let her
words trail off as Doyle slowly entered the room.

"So what you're saying is that you no longer feel that way?" Angel asked,
trying to be discreet but still wanting to continue the conversation.

"I didn't say that." Smiling at the Irishman who promptly flopped down on
the sofa, Cordelia said, "Morning."

"Aye," he answered, his hand moving to his head. "Got any painkillers?"

"The bottle is in the same place as it was on Friday when you asked me for
some."

"Right," Doyle groaned. Too tired to get up to get the pills, he just laid
there, hoping that some kind soul would take pity on him.

Sighing, Cordelia stood up and opened the top drawer of the filing cabinet,
pulling out a bottle. Uncapping it, Cordelia poured two into her hand then
set the bottle on the cabinet. She made her way to the coffee pot and
poured a cup into Doyle's favorite coffee mug. "Here," she said when she
walked to the couch. "Sit up."

Doyle did as requested and took the pills and mug. "Thank you."

Cordelia took a seat next to him and waited until he male downed the pills.
Slowly, Cordelia brought her hands up to his head and her fingers began to
rub circular patterns over his temples. "Just so you know, I'm only doing
this because you did happen to save my life the other night."

Angel smiled a little. He could tell that Cordelia was helping Doyle
because she wanted to, not because she felt obligated. So, the two really
liked each other, now all that needed to happen was for the two of them to
show it to each other.

Suddenly, Doyle jerked and slammed back into Cordelia, moaning in pain.
Another vision.

**

"Do I really have to be here?" Cordelia asked for the second time as the
trio stood outside cyber cafe.

Angel rolled his eyes heavenward while Doyle just nodded to her. "The book
said that three must be aligned against her, otherwise the spell won't
work."

Sighing, Cordelia crossed her arms. It'd been three days since Doyle's
vision and nothing much had happened. "Well, I'm bored and it's cold,"
Cordelia whined.

"Here," Doyle said as he shrugged off his coat and handed it to her.

A smile came to Cordelia's face as she accepted the brown leather jacket.
"Just so you know, I'm only wearing this thing because it's cold. Normally,
I wouldn't wear something that looks like this, but," she said, her eyes
moving over to the window and she studied herself.

"But what?" Doyle prompted.

"I look damn good in this." Her eyes narrowed as she continued to look at
reflection. "It doesn't go with what I'm wearing, but it'd go perfectly
with this little leather skirt I have at. . ."

"Whoa," Doyle said, holding up his hands. "Let's not forget who that jacket
belongs to."

"But I look so much better in it than you do," Cordelia said with a genuine
smile.

Letting one side of his mouth curve up, Doyle mumbled, "I bet you'd look
good in all my clothes."

Angel cleared his throat and his two companions turned to him. He blinked.
"What?"

"Why'd you do that?"

"Had phlegm in my throat?"

"Ew," Cordelia replied.

"You asked," Angel said, his eyes returning to the door of the cafe.
Sighing, he said, "Why don't we just go. She's not coming out tonight.
We'll start fresh tomorrow. Doyle, you can walk Cordelia home." Smiling a
little when he saw the pure delight on the half demon's face, Angel turned
around and started to walk back to his office.

**

"Thanks for the coffee, Doyle," Cordelia said as they continue to walk
towards her building. "I'm not so cold, but now I doubt I'll be able to
sleep."

Wriggling his eyebrow, Doyle said, "Well, I can always come in and
entertain you."

Laughing quietly, Cordelia said, "I'm sure you could, but I should try to
sleep anyway. You know how Angel is in the morning. He thinks if he can get
up when it's daylight, everyone should be up and at work." Knitting her
eyebrows together, she continued, "But he doesn't get that the fact that he
lives below the office gives him the advantage. Not to mention the fact
that all he has to worry about is making his hair look good for the day,
not like me, I have to worry about. . ."

"I'm sure you don't have do anything to make yourself beautiful."

"Right," she nearly snorted. "You haven't seen me in the morning, when I've
just woken up."

Doyle shook his head. "No, but I'd like to." He smiled when he saw her
slight blush.

"Well," she sighed as she stopped at her front door, her keys in her hand.
"Thanks for walking me home and the use of your jacket and the coffee and
you know, the whole saving me last week."

"Not a problem." Doyle watched as Cordelia turned and slid the key into the
keyhole. He heard the click as the lock turned and then he watched as
Cordelia turned around to face him again.

"Doyle?"

"Yeah?"

"Why do you like me?"

Blinking rapidly, Doyle shook his head, clearly taken aback by the
question. "Well, I, uh, you. . ."

"Never mind, I shouldn't have asked. But can I ask you another question?"
Not waiting for a reply, Cordelia asked, "Do you still love your wife?"

Doyle looked down at Cordelia's shoes. "She's my ex wife now."

"Whatever. Do you?"

"I do, but it's been a long time, you know?"

"Why'd you guys break up and how come you didn't tell us that you taught
third grade? And why'd you quit?"

"Uh," Doyle said, his hand moving up to scratch his forehead. "You know,
Princess, it's cold out here. Maybe we can talk another. . ."

"You can come in, if you want," she offered. "But just to warn you, if the
Village People starts playing out of no where, it's not my fault."

"Your phantom roommate?" Cordelia gave him a smile and a nod. Although
returning her smile, Doyle shook his head. He didn't want to talk. He
didn't want to talk about why he and Harriet had split up and why he felt
that he was no longer safe to work with children. "Not tonight, Cordy. You
were right about Angel being grumpy when we don't show up on time."

"Alright, then," she said softly before closing the distance between them.
Leaning in, she placed a light kiss on his cheek, then quickly moved back.
"Good night, Allen Francis Doyle." Before he knew it, she was already
inside her apartment.

**

"Angel," Doyle said excitedly. "It was great. She kissed me on the cheek
and everything!"

Drinking his morning coffee, Angel replied, "I told you that she liked
you." Doyle just smiled. "Now all you have to do is be honest with her.

The smile faded. "About being a half demon." Angel nodded and Doyle shook
his head. "Nah. I feel like I really have a shot with her now and I'm not
going to ruin it by. . ."

"Telling the truth?" Angel supplied, cutting the other man off.

"Telling the truth about what?" Cordelia asked as she closed the door
behind her.

As the girl hung up her jacket and bag, Doyle just chucked nervously while
Angel once again decided that it wasn't his business to tell her. "Telling
the truth about why he doesn't have a hang over today," Angel said,
covering up.

Widening her eyes, Cordelia looked at Doyle. "This is a first. No hangover?
Wow."

"Well," Doyle said, drawing it out. "What can I say?"

Cordelia sighed and took her seat behind the desk. "So what do we do today?
I mean what do we have to fill our time with until we catch demon lady
tonight?"

Doyle just gave Angel a look at the distaste present in Cordelia's voice
when she said the word demon. "Research, as usual," Angel answered.

Groaning, Cordelia shook her head. "Again. Can't we do something fun?"

"Fun?" Angel and Doyle asked in unison.

"Yeah, like paint our nails or I know! Eat ice cream."

"That's fun?"

She rolled her eyes. "Okay, so it's not Disneyland, but it beats looking
through all your disgusting book with the pictures of ugly mean demons."

"Not all demons are ugly and mean, Cordelia," Angel voiced softly.

Making a 'phhhft' noise and narrowing her eyes, Cordelia asked, "All the
ones I've seen have been. The judge, the thing that grew out of the library
floor, the mayor, when he was a snake thing, that icky worm guy who tried
to eat me and Buffy, the bug man that attacked me and Xander, that thing
that was killing all those kids that one time, and then there's Angelus."

"I'm not ugly. Mean, yes, ugly, I think not."

Rolling her eyes, Cordelia said, "Angelus was ugly, you're not."

"We're the same."

She shook her head. "No, you're not. Angelus is nothing like you. And he
was ugly, in that wolf in sheep's clothing sort of way."

"Well, regardless," Angel said with a quick glance at Doyle. "Not all
demons are bad and some of them are nice looking."

"Name one." She arched an eyebrow at his silence. "That's what I thought."

**

"Thanks for the invite to lunch, Cordy."

Smiling, Cordelia took a sip of her Diet Coke. "Yeah, well, with you being
so needy and all, I figured you'd appreciate a full stomach."

Letting his own smile drift over his face, Doyle nodded. "Aye, I do, but I
appreciate your company even more." His smile widened as a blush crept onto
her face. "I like it when you do that."

"Do what?

"Get that little shy blush when I say something." At her smile, he
continued, "And I like that you don't blush when I say something crude or
vulgar, but you blush when I do something like say that I enjoy your
company."

Her blush stayed and grew even as she explained, "I haven't ever gotten a
lot compliments like that before."

"I don't believe that."

"I've always gotten compliments," she said, folding her hands on the table,
"but I've rarely ever gotten real compliments from people who are important
to me."

Doyle shook his head. "I still don't believe you. I'm sure your parents
have a lot of good compliments for you." She shook her head and his
eyebrows rose. "No?"

"No," she answered. "They always saved them for my older sister, who is
perfect, by the way. They only complimented me when they needed something.
And even then, they weren't real compliments." Looking down, Cordelia
mumbled, "I don't think they really like me much."

"Cor," Doyle started, but was cut off by Cordelia.

Lifting her head, she asked, "So what are your parents like?" It was
obvious that we wanted to get the focus off her for a moment.

"Ah," Doyle said, sitting back in his chair and clearing his throat. "I
never knew my da and I haven't spoken to my mum in a long time."

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked," Cordelia said quickly.

"No, no," Doyle said, holding up his hands. "It's perfectly okay. I'm all
for us getting to know each other better."

Feeling more at ease, Cordelia gave him a small smile before asking, "Do
you ever think about trying to find your father?"

"Sometimes," the half demon answered honestly. "I have questions for him.
But then there are other times I'd rather just not think about him."

"I understand that."

"So," Doyle said, raising his eyebrows again. "What were you like? I mean,
pre-here?"

Cordelia thought. "Well, I was mean and nasty and spoiled. Then I sort of
became nice and got my heart broken, so I became bitter, and then when my
parents lose all their money and I had made the decision to move here, I
sort of got less bitter."

Shaking his head, Doyle commented, "I can't imagine you any way other than
the way you are now?"

"What way is that?"

"Lovely in all aspects," Doyle said, smiling once again as the now familiar
flush spread over her features.

Once she recovered, Cordelia again shifted her the focus back onto him.
"Well, I have a hard time imagining you as a school teacher." A wide smile
found its way onto her face as she said, "I bet all those little third
grade girls had mad crushes on you."

This time, Doyle was the one to blush a little as he remembered the way
some of his students would look at him at times. "Well, you know. Girls at
that age. First teacher of the opposite sex." He shrugged. "It comes with
the territory, I guess."

"So, you like kids then. That's a good thing."

"I love kids."

Cordelia's brow creased as she asked, "Why'd you give up teaching then? How
did you get from there to here?" Doyle responded by shrugging.

**

The trio stood in the ally beside the cafe just after sunset. They hoped to
catch the demon, Polzolta, when she tried to enter the building, rather
than exit, like last time. Just as before, Cordelia was not thrilled about
being there. "So why do I have to be here again?"

Angel took a deep breath, "Just like last night, the book said that three
have to be aligned against her."

Cordelia sighed. "But. . ."

"Shhh!" Doyle quickly hushed her.

"Well you don't have to be so rude about it," she said in a tight voice.
She hated being reprimanded but she hated Doyle doing it even more.

Before he got the chance to explain to Cordelia why she needed to be quiet,
Doyle watched as Angel lunged forward and out of the alley. He followed,
making sure that Cordelia was following as well. When they made it to the
front of the building, the two saw Angel engaged in a fight with the female
demon. It was only a few minutes before Angel snapped her neck.

"That's it?" Cordelia asked. "That's all? No big kaboom or anything? All we
get is a snap and a godawful smell? I didn't do anything but stand here,
why don't you two tell me again why I had to be here?"

About to answer her, Doyle felt his nose tickle and before he knew it, he
sneezed. He shook his head and when he recovered, he looked to Angel, not
really wanting to see Cordelia's. One glance at the vampire's face and
Doyle could already tell that Cordelia's reaction wasn't good.

Turning towards her, Doyle steeled himself for her look of disgust. But as
he turned his eyes to her, he saw no disgust, no real confusion either. Her
face was blank except for her creased brow. Rubbing his hands on his pants,
Doyle turned back to Angel, as if he had all the answers.

The tension was thick and not even Angel knew how to relieve it, so he just
settled for saying, "Cordelia?"

Bringing her hand up to her forehead, Cordelia shook out of whatever kind
of shock she was in. "I'm going home now," she said simply, pivoting on her
heel and starting to walk away.

"Cordelia, wait," Angel said, his hand stopping her as it gripped her
shoulder gently.

"I'm tired, Angel," she said, her voice holding little to no emotion.

"I'll walk you home."

"No." She shook her head and moved out of his grasp. As she walked away
from her boss and her coworker, her mind kept churning, replaying what had
just happened. It wasn't until she got home and plopped down on the couch
that the words demon and Doyle formed a phrase in her mind.

Oh God. Doyle was a demon. He hadn't told her. Angel knew and he didn't
tell her either.

**

Around nine in the morning, the phone rang. Cordelia rolled over and pulled
the covers tighter as the machine picked up. "Cordelia? It's me," she heard
Angel's voice say. "We were just wondering if you were okay and if you were
coming into work today. I'm. . .I'm here if you want to talk. I think we
should talk."

Closing her eyes as the message ended, she tried to ignore any and all
thoughts she was having. Especially the ones that related to Angel, Doyle
and demons, which most of her thoughts did. The temperature around her
dropped and she opened her eyes. "Dennis," she said, aware that he was now
in her room. Sitting up, she ran her hands through her hair. "Thank you for
not playing Macho Man last night. YMCA was a welcomed change." She felt a
light breeze across her cheek. "Don't worry, Dennis, I'm okay."

She sighed as she threw back the covers and moved off of the bed. "I really
wish that you could say something. It'd be nice to hear what you sound
like." Walking to her mirror, she added, "Don't get me wrong, I like you
just fine now, but I think we'd be even better friends if, you know, I
could hear you, if not see you. I bet you give good advice and stuff."

"I do," she heard a male voice say.

Turning around, she looked about the room. "Dennis?" Before her eyes a mist
appeared on the edge of her bed. It solidified into the shape of a nineteen
year old male. "Wow," Cordelia said. "Why don't you do that more often?
This is the first time I've seen and heard you."

Dennis smiled at her. "It takes a lot of energy and I usually save my
energy for my all night dance-a-thons."

"One question," Cordelia said as she crinkled her nose. "Why the Village
People?"

Dennis shrugged. "Why not the Village People? It beats the mopey music you
listen to. I mean really, would it kill you to listen to something other
than the Lilith Fair CD?"

"Hey! I'll have you know that I'm a big fan of non Lilith music," she
defended. "I've just been in the Sarah McLachlan mood lately."

"So I've noticed." Patting the area next to him, Dennis asked, "So what
advice do you need, Cordelia?"

Moving back to the bed and sitting down, Cordelia looked Dennis in the
eyes. "I'm not sure. I don't think I need any. I'm just. .. confused and
freaked out."

"About your two friends?"

"How'd you know?"

"I knew they were demons the moment they stepped foot on the property. The
thing about being a ghost is that I get to look into people's souls and
minds and know whatever I wish to know."

Her eyes widened. "You mean you know all about me?"

Dennis shook his head. "No. I've stopped myself from doing so with you. At
first, I just wanted to know a little about you and once I found that out
and you helped me get rid of my mother, I didn't want to. . .violate you
that way. It is a lot more fun to get to know you in the good old fashioned
way, observation." Narrowing his eyes a little, he tilted his head and
studied her. "You didn't know they were demons?"

"I knew Angel was. But he has a soul and is a good demon."

"I know."

"But I thought that Doyle was just a regular person like me. And they let
me think that and then I find out that he's not Joe Average by him going
all spikey faced on me."

"You were developing feeling for him, right? Isn't that what you told me a
few nights ago when he walked you home?"

"Yeah, I was. Now. . ."

"Why does him being something other than human change that?"

Cordelia shook his head. "It doesn't. It really doesn't. But what does
change that is that he lied to me. Yeah, it was a lie of omission, but a
lie just the same. I'm into honesty nowadays and how can I trust him again
when he started out by not telling me the whole truth? And Angel's the same
way. He knew what Doyle was and he knew how my feelings for Doyle were
changing and yet he said nothing."

"Maybe it wasn't his place."

"It wasn't his place to be honest with a friend?" Cordelia gave a short
laugh, then stopped, thinking. "Wait. Friend? He doesn't consider me a
friend. He never has. In Sunnydale I was just an annoyance that he put up
with because of Buffy and now I'm just another helper."

"Cordelia," the ghost started.

"No," she whispered softly. "It's true. If he really was a friend, he would
have said something, but he didn't."

**

"I told you she'd freak out," Doyle said as Angel hung up the phone.

"She didn't freak out, Doyle. She barely had any reaction at all, which
concerns me more." Rubbing his hands over his face, he said, "She's been
going through so much lately, now this."

Defensively, Doyle stood up. "Well, I didn't ask my mum to bed some demon
just to make Cordelia. . ."

Angel shook his head. "I didn't say you did. All I'm saying is that she was
really getting close to you and me as well. With her history, there's no
doubt in my mind that she's seeing this a betrayal and as yet more people
hurting her."

"Maybe I should have told her before," Doyle said as he sat back down.

"Yeah, maybe."

"So what do you think she's going to do? Stay in her apartment forever?
Avoid me at all costs?"

"Us. Avoid us. I'm in this too, you know," Angel reminded. "You may be a
half demon who didn't tell her, but I'm the guy she trusted to whom to
confide certain feelings and I didn't let her know one very important
thing."

Doyle sighed. "I want her to like me. Just a week or so ago, she said that
she thought that I was a nice guy and I cannot tell you how happy that made
me. It made me nearly forget about the whole Harriet thing."

"I'm going to call her again."

"And say what to her machine this time? She's not going to call back."

**

Three hours and nearly two dozen phone calls later, both Angel and Doyle
looked up as the door opened. "Okay, I'm here," Cordelia said, her voice
edged with utter annoyance.

Rubbing his arms, Doyle commented, "Damn, it just dropped a few degrees."

Cordelia smiled a false smile and said, "I brought Dennis with me. Now,
what do you want?" she asked Angel as she sat down on the loveseat.

"I think the three of us need to talk."

"What? You're Mr. Sensitivity again? Spare me."

"Cordelia," the vampire started.

"You know what really pisses me off?" Cordelia asked, her anger forcing her
to talk before anyone had a chance to say anything. Angel just raised his
eyebrows, silently questioning. "That I'm the only one. . ." Her voice
trailed off as she stopped herself from saying what she had initially
wanted to say. That she was the only one in the room who wasn't a freak.
Clenching her teeth, she thought better of it. "That I'm the only honest
one here."

Crossing his arms, Doyle said, "Maybe you're confusing tactlessness with
honesty, Princess."

Turning an icy stare at the half demon, Cordelia spoke in an understated
but stressed voice. "No, I've made the distinction between the two." Taking
a deep breath as she felt the cool breeze that was Dennis brush over her
hand, she forced her brow to relax. "I'm honest because I'm the only one
here who hasn't masked or hidden the truth. I come in here everyday and
both of you can read me like an open book. You ask a question and I'll
answer it. It may not be the answer you want, but it's the truth."

"Cordelia, I never meant to. . ."

"Hurt me?" she finished for the vampire. "Gee, it seems like no one ever
means to." Turning back to Doyle she asked, "So how long would you have
waited to tell me?"

Letting out a long miserable sigh, Doyle looked down at his lap and shook
his head. Honesty. That was what she wanted, so that was what he'd give
her. "I didn't ever want to tell you. You've made your feelings about
demons perfectly clear."

"Well you didn't give me the chance to mend or change my feelings, did you?
You just assumed that my words were directed at you, even though I didn't
know that you were a demon."

"Half demon," he muttered.

"Whatever. The point is, is that you took what I said personally. Had I
known you were part demon I would have never said those things."

"And that makes it better?"

Cordelia gave a humorless laugh and shook her head. Her eyes moved to Angel
who was just sitting back, watching and listening intently. He reminded her
of a referee, ready to jump in when needed. "So this is my fault," she said
as she looked back at Doyle. "It's my fault you lied to me. This is just
great." Standing up, Cordelia wrapped her arms around herself and focused
her attention on Angel. "I'm going home. I appreciate the job and all, but
if it's just the same to you, I quit."

At her words, Angel stood up and Doyle sank back into his chair. "It's not
just the same to me, Cordelia. I need you here," Angel said. He glanced at
the deflated half demon. "We need you here. You've been a lot of help to. .
."

"Okay," she said, licking her lips. "That was my polite resignation. Now,
here is my not polite resignation. I can't work in a place where I can't
trust people. And the fact that neither of you are technically people
doesn't really bother me. What bothers me is how easily you two kept
secrets and truths from me. What bothers me is that I don't know you,
either of you enough to warrant the trust that I had given you." Looking
Angel directly in the eye, Cordelia said, "I quit, Angel." Shrugging, she
added, "And you know what? I think that version was still pretty polite."

Cordelia wasted no time heading to the door and leaving the office, but she
hadn't yet made it to the building's entrance before a hand on her shoulder
stopped her. Turning around, she faced Doyle. "Cordelia, I'm sorry." His
brow was creased as his clear blue eyes searched hers.

"I don't like being lied to," she said simply and softly. "I don't like
being a fool and I don't like having feelings for someone who isn't honest
with me."

"Feelings?" he asked quietly.

She nodded and took a step back, towards the door. "Yeah. Feelings.
Whatever it is that you are, doesn't make me like you less, but the fact
that you kept who you are from me does."

Sighing, he reached out for her, but his hand stopped short. "I thought I
wouldn't have any chance with you if I told you," he whispered. "I didn't
want to be just another one of those demons you think is 'icky'."

Giving him a small, sad smile, Cordelia replied, "I'm sorry you thought so
little of me." Turning around, she made to leave.

"Cordy, don't go."

As she walked to the door, she said, "I've got an audition tomorrow at
eight."

"It's not even one in the afternoon."

"Yeah, well, I have to look for a job."

**

"I'm not going to take my clothes off, you pervert," Cordelia said
indignantly to the sleazy looking guy behind the camera.

"This is a screen test, pet."

"Okay," she said, standing up and holding out her hand. "First, I'm not
your pet and second, I don't care if it is a screen test, I'm not going to
take off my clothes. Had I known this was a porno movie audition, I
wouldn't have even bother."

The guy with the slicked back hair raised an eyebrow. "Too bad. I could
make you a star. With those legs and such nice tits you'd go far."

Making a disgusted sound, Cordelia walked away. "Why me?" she asked as she
looked heavenward. As she made it to the elevator, she felt herself shiver.
Once the doors closed behind her, she looked to her left and saw her
friend. "Dennis," she said with a smile. "How long have you been here?"

"I've been waiting since you went in."

"I didn't feel you," she commented as she pressed the button for the ground
floor.

"I stayed outside."

"They wanted me to get n

aked." Dennis lifted an eyebrow. "Did you?" Cordelia attempted to elbow him
in the stomach but it went right through him. "I knew you wouldn't," he
said with a smile. "You know," he started out slowly, "your friends have
left about ten messages in the hour and a half you've been gone." Cordelia
just shrugged. "They seem really earnest in wanting you to go back to
work."

"I'm sure," she said. The ding of the elevator and the opening of the doors
saved her from further comment.

**

A week passed and Cordelia hadn't left her apartment. Apart from fast food
restaurants and strip joints, no one seemed to want to hire her. Everyday
there were new messages from Angel and a few from Doyle. Her mother had
called, followed by her father, both proceeding to complain about the other
to her answering machine. Her sister called to say that she and her fiancee
had decided to have the wedding in Hawaii on Valentine's Day.

Running her hands through her hair, Cordelia sat down on the couch to stare
out the window. The phone rang and just as before, she didn't move. She
heard the click as the machine picked up. "Cor? Cor, it's me, Xander. I was
just calling to talk. You know, I didn't think I'd miss you as much as I
do, Cordy. It's like there's no fire in Sunnydale any more. I mean, there's
monsters and hell beasts and what have you, but they just don't have the
same draw as you do. So, you know, if you get this message and want to call
me back, collect or whatever, I'm down with it." Cordelia stared at the
phone and before she knew it, her hand was reaching for it. "Okay, I'll
talk to you. . ."

"Xander?"

"Cordelia!" She could practically hear his smile. "Hi!"

"Hey, Xand. What's going on?"

"Nothing," he answered then sighed. "I've just missed you and felt like
calling."

She nodded. "How's Anya?" she asked sadly, not really caring about the ex
demon.

"She's, uh, well, she's okay. She just sort of comes and goes. Kinda like
the tides, you know."

"No," Cordelia said, the sadness still in her voice. "I don't know."

"Well, one minute she's here and the next minute she's elsewhere. She has
these urges and I guess she's at that stage of humanity where she just
gives into them. Like last week, we were all about down time, you know,
movies, take home, just hanging out and this week? Hell, I think she's
climbing a mountain or something. I don't know how she gets the money but
when she gets the urge to do something, she does it. Two weeks ago, it was
skydiving."

"Wow."

"You sound down," he said quickly.

"I am."

"Want to talk?"

"Do you ever feel that you're the only sane person in a room of nutcases
and then you realize that everyone else is sane and you're the fruitcake?"

"All the time."

"Doyle's a demon."

"Doyle? The guy who helps you and Angel?"

"Yeah."

"A good demon?"

"Yeah."

"What's the problem?"

"I like him, like I liked you."

"Oh."

"And I'm okay with him being part demon, I guess, but he didn't tell me
about it. I had to find out myself."

"Oh," Xander said again. "Dishonesty and Cordelia don't mix."

"Exactly."

"My advice, do you want my advice?"

"Of course I do."

"Allow him the mistake of being dishonest. Make sure that he knows that
you're not letting him off the hook, but if you really like this guy, then
forgive his indiscretion and go with your feelings."

"Dammit, Xander!" Cordelia exclaimed.

"What?"

"I wanted you to not say that. He's a demon. You don't like demons."

"My girlfriend is an ex demon, Cor."

"Oh. I forgot. But still!"

"Cordelia, I love you to pieces and I consider us friends now, but I have
to say this. You need to stop protecting yourself like you have been. Not
every guy you meet is going to be a jerk like me and hurt you."

"Xander," she whispered.

He continued as if he hadn't heard her. "Does Angel like this guy? This
Doyle guy?"

"Yeah."

"As much as I dislike Angel, he is a good judge of character and if he
approves of this guy, there must be something special about him. Don't let
the past get in the way of what could be a great future, Cordy."

**

Another two days passed and Cordelia had only gone out once for groceries.
Angel and Doyle's calls were fewer than they had been, but they were still
asking her to come back. She could hear the concern in their voices, but it
was easier to ignore it than to acknowledge that they cared.

"Cordelia," Dennis said. He didn't appear this time, but she could feel him
there at the edge of her bed. "This isn't good."

"What isn't good?"

"You being like this. If you keep this up you're going to be evicted when
you can't pay the rent, not to mention what the effects of solitary
confinement on the psyche."

"I'm not solitary," she countered, "I have you."

"I'm dead." Cordelia sighed and got up out of bed, making her way to the
mirror. She just stood there, looking at herself. "Cordelia? Must I enlist
the help of the Village People?" That got her to crack a smile, but it soon
faded. "You really like this Doyle, don't you?" She nodded. "Then take your
friend's advice and give him another chance."

"What if he. . ."

"Hurts you again?" the ghost finished for her. "It's a chance you have to
take. Life is full of risks and chances, but they can be good if you let
them. Don't stay on the safe road because you hate to hurt and are afraid
that the dangerous road leads to peril. Risk yourself, Cordelia. Love is
beautiful and you're not going to find it by sticking around this place
with me, listening to every depressing song ever written."

"Hey, I listened to happy music last night."

Dennis laughed. "You call Patsy Cline happy music?"

"She has her moments."

"The point is, get out there and put your heart on the line. I've seen
inside Doyle's soul and I know his intentions and I know how he feels."

Turning around, putting her back to the mirror, Cordelia asked the spirit
whom she could not see, "The other day in the office, did you, you know,
look inside him or whatever?"

"I did."

"And?"

"Even when he was trying to be defensive and attacking back, his heart
still glowed for you. He hated himself for being the cause of your hurt and
anger. He hated that you were anything but happy." Cordelia felt her cheek
grow cold as Dennis moved closer to her, his words tickling her ear. "He
wants you. More than he's wanted anything in this world."

"More than his wife?"

He nodded. "More than her."

**

Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, Doyle stumbled out of his bedroom and
pulled on a pair of jeans. Another knock came from his front door and he
grabbed a bat, unwilling to take a chance if it was another collector.
"Alright, already. I'm coming," he shouted. Peeking through the peephole,
he let the bat slide out of his grasp and his hand went to unlock the
deadbolt and lock. After unhooking the chain, he opened the door.
"Princess," he said quietly, watching the way Cordelia shifted her weight
from one foot to the other.

Cordelia stared at Doyle's suitably well defined chest for a moment before
looking him straight in the eye. "I'm sorry for leading you to believe that
you couldn't tell me about you being a demon, or a partial demon,
whatever."

The crease in his brow disappeared and he stepped back, opening the door
wider. Cordelia took this as an invitation and brushed him as she entered
his apartment. "You don't have to apologize, Princess," he said as she
passed. "I'm the one who. . ."

"Lied. Yeah."

Taking in a sharp breath and stretching a little bit, Doyle closed the door
and said, "I'm a little surprised to see you here at three in the morning,
Cordelia."

"Yeah, well, I figured you'd just be getting home, what with last call
being. . ."

"I didn't go out."

"Yeah," she said as she fidgeted, her hands wringing together. "I've been
thinking."

"Yeah? What about?" he asked as he advanced further in the room and sat
down on the couch, motioning to her that she should sit as well.

She stayed standing as she said, "I hate that you didn't tell me, but as
dishonesty goes, that was fairly mild, being that you didn't tell me
because you were worried about what I'd think of you and that you weren't
dishonest to hurt me." Doyle sat back and watched her pace a few feet as
she continued speaking. "The thing is, at first, I didn't really like you.
I mean, you were funny, in a Xander kind of way and you were cute, in a
drunken Irishman kind of way and you were nice, in a. . .nice way. And I
thought, friends. You and I would be friends and we'd have this nice little
tension between us, the flirting, the cute little banter. But then I
started seeing you differently. And then, I REALLY saw you differently."
She hurried to continue when she saw a look of hurt pass briefly over his
face. "But that didn't matter and it doesn't, Doyle. I don't really care
that you're a demon. I don't. . . .like being lied to." Doyle stayed silent
and Cordelia raised one eyebrow. "Well?"

Clearing his throat, Doyle said, "I'm sorry, Cordelia. I didn't mean to
hurt you and I know that it doesn't mean anything because I did hurt you."

She moved to the couch and sat down next to him. "I still think you're a
nice guy."

"You do?"

"I think it, I say it."

He smiled. "Are you still mad?" he asked after a moment.

She shrugged. "You're the first guy I've liked in a long time and you've
made being in LA so much easier. Well, Angel helped a little too, but you
know what I'm saying. I don't think I would have made it if it weren't for
you."

Gently taking her hand in his, Doyle whispered in a thickly accented voice,
"I can make you happy, Cordelia, if you just let me try."

Looking down at her hand intertwined with his, Cordelia spoke in a soft
voice. "It's hard for me."

"What is?"

"To let people in."

"I've noticed that, but I don't expect you to just give yourself over to
me. I want to discover things about you slowly, like I have been." His free
hand moved up to cup her face, tilting it up so that he could see it
completely. He swept her loose hair back. "Have you any idea just how
beautiful you are?" A soft pink color crept over her face and his smile
widened. "I love that blush."

Leaning in, he gently used the hand still buried in her hair to move her
head forward. When their lips brushed lightly together it was like
lightening and fireworks and rockets flaring. Even though the kiss
intensified, they kept it chase. It was lips moving slowly against each
other. The two moved apart, then came back together, this time their lips
parting. Their tongues stayed still as their lips sucked at one another,
creating soft, sensual sounds.

They pulled away, just looking at each other for a moment. Then, ever so
slowly, Cordelia leaned in, placing her head on his chest, their fingers
still laced together. "Doyle?" she asked softly.

"Yeah," he whispered back, his voice thick.

"I like how you kiss."

Doyle closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the couch, smiling
at her softly spoken words and the weight of her head on his chest.

The End [1]