Title: All Lost Souls (1/?)
Author: Chris Kenworthy
E-mail: Chris_Kenworthy@y...
Category: First season Angel the series, Doyle Death denial,
Cordelia/Doyle, Angel/Kate.
Rating: AA
Summary: Doyle is insubstantial, presumed dead, unable to communicate
with anyone else. Can he still find a way to save the day?
Disclaimer: Disclaimer: I have no rights to any character from 'Angel'
or 'Buffy the vampire Slayer' or both.
Distribution: Distribute anywhere you can! (Do tell me about
it,though.)
Archive: Hall of Fanfic -
http://lavender.fortunecity.com/apocalypse/640/hall/ GO HERE IF YOU
HAVEN'T READ THE PROLOG!!
Feedback: Yes! Yes!! Feedback, any feedback!! Please? ;-)
Spoiler: Up to "The Ring."

I've been, well, spyin'... on other folks a lot since I became
ethereal. Not to be antisocial or insensitive or anything. It's just
about the only amusement I have any more.

Angel... well, he's just about the same guy when he's alone as I've
always known him to be. Broods even more when there isn't anyone else
around, if you can believe that. D'you remember that photo of Buffy
that he had in his book, the night that I saved Cordelia from the
vampire? He pretended back then that it was just a coincidence that it
was around, but he pulls that pic out and stares at it a lot. You can
tell that it just tore him apart to leave him... every time he did:

Angel told me once that he could feel the change coming on, when he
lost his soul after doing the deed with Buffy that first time. More
than anything else, he wanted to hold her in his arms and hope that the
demon would go away. But he knew that he couldn't do that. He staggered
away from his apartment, putting distance between himself and Buffy
against every instinct in his body, crawling on his knees after the
change was taking so much of his strength that he couldn't walk.
Because if Angelus had gotten control while Buffy was lying there
sleeping, unsuspecting, he might have killed her. The only thing Angel
could think of to save her was to move his body away, so that Angelus
might focus on other victims while Buffy slept.

And then, there was the time he went to hell. Of course, he didn't know
what was happening, with the confusion of the curse taking effect and
the memories of Angelus' latest reign of terror not clear. But he could
see the sword in Buffy's hands before she told him to close his eyes,
and feel the radiance of the vortex at his back. Most importantly, he
could see the anguish in Buffy's face, relief dashed, the knowledge
that she had gotten him back unexpectedly and now had to give him up.

His impulse was to knock the sword out of her hand, (she couldn't have
stopped him, in the condition she was in,) and hug her to him. But
whatever horrible thing Buffy was about to to do him, Angel knew that
it was something that had to be done. So he closed his eyes and stood
very still, and let the girl that he loved run him through.

Then there was the time he watched Buffy walk away, the night after
Spike kidnapped Willow and Xander. "Tell me you don't love me." Leaving
Sunnydale, after the Ascension. And, last but not least, reversing his
own humanity, which could finally have given him true happiness with
Buffy.

Without her, the guy's a wreck. He carries on as best he can, but
inside, he must be like flotsam out on the open sea.

And then there's my Cordy baby. She's been through a lot lately, too,
and it shows when she doesn't have anyone to pretend to. All her life,
she's believed that she doesn't have anything to worry about. Money?
Plenty of it. Opportunities? Anything that prestige and class can earn.
Guys? Just about anyone she wanted, with the snap of a finger. Even
after she got involved with Xander 'last guy on earth' Harris, her life
was going perfectly, all things considered - a cute, if weird,
boyfriend, friends who she could count on then things started to get
rough, and a purpose to existence in Sunnydale that could sleep at
night with a clear heart.

One by one, all of those things were taken away from her. When she came
to Los Angeles, she was chasing her last dream - movie stardom. What's
more, by the time she met Angel, that dream had pretty much swatted her
around and told her that it didn't want her. She was without a place in
the world, without a job or money. God knows what else might have
happened to her if Russel Winters hadn't taken a liking to her.
Russell, at least, Angel saved her from. Something, or someone, else...
well, I don't even like to think about that.

She sits around and looks at pictures a lot of the time too - pictures
of herself, of Xander. There's one photo with both of them in it - from
mid-chest up, but you can tell that his arms are around her. You can
see pier concession stands and the Pacific Ocean in the background.
And, much as I hate to think of it, she's been looking at a picture of
me too.

How could I have done this to her? About to die, for all I knew, and I
was thinking of myself instead of her. I would only be around for a few
seconds - I could have stood a broken heart for that little time for
her sake. No, instead, I gratify all off the things I felt for her, and
leave her not knowing what to do about them.

I'm not quite sure what to think about that Wesley guy, since I've
never really met him in person. He had his moments of being quite a
git, and still backslides every now and then. But he's a productive
member of the team, and he's been a good friend to Cordy. I wish that I
could have worked with him myself. Maybe I still can, if I ever get out
of this fix I'm in.

He's living in a one-room tenement in one of those buildings from the
fifties. One room plus the bathroom, that is, of course. Not exactly
the style of flat I'd choose, but it's not too bad - he's got the room
divided up into different sections - sleeping area with a bed and
dresser, dining area with a small dinner table, cooking counter with a
hot plate, cupboards. Study area with bookshelves, a slightly larger
reading table, desk, an old computer. Entertainment area, by far the
smallest of the four, with a comfortable chair, small couch, radio,
tiny little tv.

The watchers had been his entire life. The way I work things out,
(putting the pieces together like an ethereal Sherlock Holmes,) he'd
been training with them since before he was a teenager. Basic
experience after school, extended training over summers, occult
schooling during university, in-depth grooming at Watcher Headquarters
after he graduated. They'd sent him to Sunnydale, thousands of miles
away from anything he knew - full of educational theory, watcher
regulation, combat training under 'carefully controlled conditions,'
but in everything that counted, he was unprepared, naive, and
inexperienced.

He did the best he could, under trying circumstances. It certainly
didn't help that both of his charges respected their previous watcher a
lot and resented the fact that Rupert Giles had been fired. His first
week in Sunnydale, he was kidnapped by a cult of vampires and their
demon lord. Faith turned towards the dark side, while Buffy continued
to depend on Giles instead of Wesley. In the end, Faith was working
with the mayor to destroy the town, and Buffy quit the council
altogether, something that Wesley hadn't been prepared for.

That was when Wesley had been fired himself. That had been pretty much
inevitable - his job had been to guide and guard Buffy and Faith, and
each of them had gone rogue, Buffy technically, and Faith with a
vengeance. A tour as a 'rogue demon hunter' and then his developing
association with Angel and Cordelia. That's pretty much Wesley's story.

And I've poked around in that Officer Kate Lockley's place
occasionally, though that feels more awkward since she's not really a
part of the team. She's been helping Angel out more and more recently,
though, and I like her. Good people.

She's been through a lot, too. She joined the police force because of
her Dad, and now she's just found out that he was crooked, on the take,
accepting money from lawyers and demons. She's had to accept a lot of
wild stuff since she found out about the whole vampire-demon thing.

Her past wasn't so pretty either, though I don't know that much about
it. Dead mother, troubled childhood, making her way through a
male-dominant field of work.

It's got me thinking how the bunch of us, (loose collective,) have been
brought together by trauma and pain. I've been through a lot in my own
life, too. I guess that's why we're working together, or have been, at
different times. All of us are lost souls, working for our redemption.

It makes me wonder what's going to happen next!

To be continued...

=====
Chris Kenworthy
http://lavender.fortunecity.com/apocalypse/640/
ICQ# 13902767 AOL-IM Screen name: ChrisKenw0
"This above all, to thine own self be true."