TITLE: Silent Tonight AUTHOR: Ragna (Obsessive-Compulsive Spike) DISTRIBUTION: Sure, just tell me! DISCLAIMER: Everything except what comes out of my pretty little head belongs to Joss and Mutant Enemy. I do not own the song used, which is "The Last Song" by The Smashing Pumpkins. RATING: PG SPOILERS: All of the "Angel" series so far, plus a planned charachter death. FEEDBACK: Wanted. Needed. SEND IT! AUTHOR'S NOTES: And, yes, I decided this too will be a series, but don't expect a lot frequently. And thank you to all those who have given me feedback, and I'm really sorry, Pryde, for ruining your make-up. Forgive me? ------------------------------------------------------------------------ *** PART 1 *** Doyle was just sitting there, watching Cordy sleep in her dream. She wasn't always awake in her dreams; half the time he just watched her, sitting in the worn old couch near her window, overlooking the street below. She twitched in the bed, tossing slightly, and he knew that, even in her dreams, she could have a nightmare. Maybe she was convincing herself this wasn't really happening, he wasn't really there... But he was. **This is the last song This is the last song I will sing for you This is the last song This is the last song I can give to you** She slowly opened her eyes, focusing on him. She said nothing, but knew he knew she was awake. She slowly lifted her hand, and in an almost regal manner beckoned him over to her, a smile creeping up on her face. "Were you watching me?" He nodded, sitting next to her on the bed. "Yes, I was. You're worth watching." She looked up at him and the smile grew as he took her hand and bent down to kiss it softly. "You're always so warm." **The roaring city sleeps Metal fingers clutching dirty sheets And no one comes for free In this place where the angels sleep** He touched her face gently, running the back of his hand across her cheek slowly. "You're so beautiful..." She blushed. "You've never said that before. Or at least not like that." He kissed her forehead softly. "I don't want to talk much tonight. I just want to watch, to be near you." "Why?" she asked, fear entering her voice. She sat up, a startled look on her face. "You're not going to leave, are you?" **This is the last song This is the last song** He smiled slightly. "Not for long." "Why? Why are you going away?" "There's...things. I might be able to be with you again." She gasped, all thoughts leaving her mind except one: he could be with her. In the flesh, and be with her for the rest of her life next to her. "But..." **My eyes are open wonder to this As I hold the secrets I count the minutes off so perfectly The shards of broken glass** She shook her head. "Doyle...please. Tonight, let's not talk. Please." He nodded, taking one of her hands in his, and moving the other one to her neck, touching it softly. Before, when they had kissed, it had been soft and tentative. But this time, there was an unspoken urgency, a fear that ran through both of them that this tentative bond, the only way they could see each other, could disappear. Forever. **Sing the stains of a sad old tune We've made it at last But what we have lost is inside our past This is the last song This is the last song** She moved close to him, and gathering up what emotions she had, she whispered to him softly, "Stay with me while I dream." She pulled away, afraid he would say no, he couldn't. Afraid he would push her away, say she wasn't worth it. Her touched her lips softly with his fingers, outlining them lightly. She closed her eyes, putting her hand over his and entwining her fingers with his. **Could you find away across me To forgive and forget me To appease and relent me To deceive and detect me To understand and release me To the dawn** "Cordelia," he whispered, resting his head against hers. "I..." "What?" she asked, her eyes still shut, her voice barely above a whisper. "I'm...scared. To loose you forever." She didn't know whether to laugh or cry, so she settled on a swallow before she spoke again. "Me too," she said hoarsely. He moved his hands up to her face, cupping her cheeks lightly. "I'll stay here." She kissed him softly, moving her hands to his shoulders and around to his neck. As they moved closer, the kiss deepened, consuming them both with a passion they had never really felt before. **This is the last song This is the last song This is the last song This is the last song** She woke up the next morning, painfully aware his arms weren't around her, his warmth wasn't next to her. And the effort it took to drag herself out of bed seemed worthless. But she happened to glance at the window, and saw the jacket she always wore now, his jacket, was set on the back of the chair, the inside of the jacket facing her. A piece of paper was sticking out of the inside pocket. She padded quietly towards the window, pulling out the note with a shaking hand. The newly risen sunlight hit the note, and she realized it had been there for many months, and she'd never noticed. It had been written the night he died, and he had never mentioned it to her, not in all those months since. "Cordelia, I have no other way of asking you. I'm too embarrassed to ask you face to face, and Angel can't seem to help, or he won't. I've fancied you since I saw you, but I gather you've realized it and ignored it. But...would you see your way of going on a date with me?" The tear hit the letter before she realized she was crying, and she tucked the letter away before her tears ruined it. Putting it in her jewelry box, she shut the lid, and put the jacket on, ready to face the world and maybe save a few lives along the way.