Title: Silence
Author-Cryssie V
Rating-PG at most. Yes, it is a fanfic from Cryssie that is not smut.
Infact there is no smut at all. Angst though.
Distribution-Oblivious Much, and anyone else who wants it. Just please
give credit where credit it due.
Notes-*indicates song lyrics. "Northern Star" is written and performed 
by Hole. I have no claim on that song at all.
More Notes-this is pretty much just Cordelia going through some angst.
Disclaimer-I own nothing. I am nothing. I am a deep void. Joss owns
thecharacters, Hole owns the song.
Feedback-please do.



*And I cry and no one can hear
Inhale
The blinded eyes that see
The chaos
Bring the pitiful to me
Even though I'm wide-awake, I will
And blackest night and I wait for you
It's cold in here there no one left
And I wait for you*



"Where is he? Oh dear God, you couldn't have taken him away from me! 
Those eyes, they held so much love for me. And i knew! I knew and all I
did was taunt him. If only I could do it all over again! Now the only 
thing left for me to do is cry.

Cry it all away.

And when that doesn't work,Angel, you know what does?

The whiskey does. Pouring the brown liquid into the very same shot 
glass he would drink from.

Sitting in the very same chair he used to sit in.

Cuddling in the very same jacket he would wear.

The very same jacket I used to tease him about, Angel."



*And nothing stops it happening
And I knew, I'd
cherish all my misery alone*



"I won't cry! I'm Cordelia Chase, Ice Princess. Never needed anyone
before, and never cried over anyones' death. Not even Harmony's."



*And I wait staring at the Northern Star
I'm afraid it won't lead me anywhere,
He's so cold*



"Why did he bother to save me? I should have leaped to my death and
stopped that damned light from killing us all. I'm more dead then ever
before, just staring at that crappy advertisement I forced him into 
doing. He's such a bad actor! Look Angel, He said "rats" instead of 
"rates"! Angel, I'm confused. If I'm laughing so hard, why are there 
tears streaming down my face?"



*He will ruin the world tonight
All the angels kneel into the Northern Lights
Kneel into the frozen lights
And they paid, I cry and cry for you*



"<Is that it? Am I done? His voice. Dear god, the very man who protected
me He's gone, Angel. Truly gone. Yes Doyle! You're done! Finito! Finished!
Dead!

Why are my tears so hot? Is my flesh burning? Burning like his did? It was
so awful."



*Ghosts that haunt you with their sorrow*



"He didn't really even die, Angel...just kinda melted."



*I cried 'cause you were doomed
Praying to the wound that swallows
All that's cold and cruel
Can you see the trees, charity and gratitude
They run to the pines*



"Where is he? I need him so much. Please, Angel, can't you bring him 
back? You came back, and you died like eight times. Please, Angel, 
bring him back. I'll change, I really will. I'll be nice, and generous,
and never once bitch about the severe lack of funds. Please?"



*It's black in here, blot out the sun
And run to the pines
Our misery runs wild and free
And I knew
The fire and the ashes of his grace*



"Does it ever stop hurting? Will the pain stop? Maybe get dull? My head
is spinning, Angel. Make it stop, please? See? I said please. I really 
am changing. I told you I could. Will you bring him back now? Or stop 
the pain?"



*And I wait staring at the Northern Star
I'm afraid it won't lead you very far
He's so cold
He will win the world tonight
All the angels kneel into the frozen lights
Feel their hearts they're cold and white*



"Angel? Angel? It hurts in my heart. Why does it hurt so much? I was 
gunna fix him up real nice, Angel. He had so much more going for him 
then Xander did. I think I loved him, Angel. Why didn't I tell him I 
loved him?"


*And I want you
And blessed are the broken
And I beg you
No loneliness, no misery is worth you
Oh tear his heart out
Cold as ice it'mine*


"Angel? Are you still there? Why didn't you make me tell him I loved 
him? Why didn't you tell me I loved him? You were supposed to look out 
for me Angel, and protect me. WHY?? WHY DIDN"T YOU STOP THIS SOMEHOW??"



*And I wait praying to the Northern Star
I'm afraid it won't lead you anywhere
He's so cold
Raining on the world tonight*



"Angel. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell. It just hurts so much. Angel,
don't wanna cry no more."


*All the angels kneeling to the Northern Lights
And I pray begging to the Northern Star
I'm afraid it won't lead you anywhere
He's so cold
He will rule the world tonight
All the angels kneeling to the Northern Lights
Kneeling to the frozen lights*



"Angel? Is he really..........really........gone?"



*Feel their hearts they're cold as ice*



"Angel? Are you gunna die too?"



~End~