Title: Shattered
Author: Amber Andersen
Disclaimer: Don't own, never will own. Does that sum it up?
Summary: Very dark fic. Doyle recalls Cordy's death.



I lay on top of my bed, my eyes resting on the ceiling above me.

But I don't see it.

I only saw her.

Her bruised, broken body lying on that cold, dark alley, her pathetic
sobs for help as the demon ripped out her insides.

And all I'd done was watch.

By the time I'd broken out of my trance, and rushed to her aid, it was
too late.

She was already dying.

Angel had shoved me aside, and felt for a pulse, insisting there was one,
that she might be able to survive.

But I'd seen the truth in his eyes.

I'd moaned, and fallen to my knees beside her, not even noticing that
Angel had moved away.

"Princess," I'd cried raggedly, the tears mixing with the blood, the
crimson rain that was everywhere, blending with her auburn hair, leaking
out of her heartshaped mouth . . . There was no end to it . . .

She turned weak, fading eyes onto my face, a faint whisper touching my
ears, "Doyle? Is that you?" I can't . . . see you." Limply she reached up a
hand, feebly searching for mine. I took it with both my own, squeezing it
gently. "Hello, darlin'," I managed to choke out, hearing all too well the 
tears in my voice.. "I'm here." Angel came up behind me. "We're both right 
here."

Cordy blinked, and gazed at Angel.

She smiled feebly. "Angel . . ." she gasped, her voice growing fainter
with each passing second. She was choking on her own blood. She looked at
me imploringly. I quickly saw her need, and propped her up so that she was
leaning on my chest, sitting on my lap. She coughed up a little blood, then
continued. "When I'm gone, take care of Doyle. I don't want him to turn
into broody old you. Will you . . . promise me?"

"Yes, honey." Angel replied hoarsely. He was crying. That shook me
deeply. I'd never seen Angel cry before. "I promise," he whispered, his
voice cracking.

She smiled then, peaceful, turning her head up to me, seeing the surprise
I'd felt over her actually knowing how I felt.

"I've always known." she murmured, answering my unasked question. "I saw
it in your eyes everyday." She paused, just for an instant, to gather
strength. I could feel her heart rate slowing.

"Doyle, I never got to tell you that I . . ."

"Cordy?" I asked, having no clue what she was going to say, though I
realize now that I should have.

"I love you too."

I broke down then, bowing my head in blissful agony. My heart filled with
a bittersweet joy. She loved me. She loved me. She-

She was dying.

"Don't cry," Cordelia whispered. "Please don't cry."

I raised my head, seeing for the first time how truly beautiful her eyes
were.

I kissed her, the knowledge of what was to come not taking away from the
grandness of our farewell.

She slumped in my arms then, her head falling away from my lips. I opened
my eyes to see hers falling shut.

Her heart stopped beating.

She died.

In my arms.



So now I lie here, her blood still staining my clothes. I think of many
things.

If only she'd waited for us...

If only she'd told me sooner...

If only I didn't care so much...

Because, now with my beloved Princess gone, I'm empty.

A broken shell...

A cracked window...

Shattered...



The End