Title: Feels Like Home
By: Christine & Andrea
E-mail: cluland@h..., anewbery@h...
Rating: PG
Summary: The long awaited sequel to "Almost A Very Good Life"  
Spoilers: Angel Season 1 (I'm not happy with season 2 at the moment 
and prefer not dwell on it.)
Disclaimer: All characters belong to the evil Joss Whedon.  We're 
just borrowing them for a bit to give them the happy ending they 
deserve!
Feedback:  We live for it!  Besides which, the story is still only 
half written and I'm hoping feedback will inspire us.
Distribution: Rebecca if she wants it.  Everyone else ask and you 
will receive.

Notes - First off, we're sorry this took so long to get written.  We 
actually started kicking various story ideas around in January of 
last year.  Unfortunately real life kept interrupting the fic 
writing.  But we hope you think it was worth the wait.

Secondly, a huge thank-you to Ellen.  Without her inspiration, some 
of the later chapters wouldn't be nearly as interesting.

Finally, this story is dedicated to three incredible fanfic writers.  
First there's Perri of SunS fame.  Please write more 'Forgiven', as 
we desperately need a non-evil Lindsey fix.  And then there's Ryo & 
Jo.  Ryo & Jo don't write Buffy or Angel fic (at least not that I'm 
aware of), but they do write absolutely incredible West Wing fic.  
We're in awe of you...


~*~*~*~*~*~

May 2002

--------
Cordelia -


I miss Wesley. 

Now there's a shocking thought.  But it's an honest one.  Since he 
left to spend the summer in England, mornings in the office have been 
entirely too quiet.  Not that I'm really complaining, quiet is a good 
thing these days.  It means that we've avoided the apocalypse once 
again and Angel and Gunn can focus on more mundane things like random 
vampire and demon slayage. 

But it also means that I'm alone most of the day.  Slayage keeps the 
guys up at night, so Angel doesn't rise from the Batcave till after 
lunch at the earliest and Gunn doesn't appear until there's a chance 
of food around dinnertime.  Harry or Kate will stop by for coffee 
occasionally.  But in general, I spend my mornings alone.  I don't 
mind.  It gives me time to study for class and more importantly, time 
to write to Doyle.

We haven't forgotten him in the two years since our return from 
Riol.  Far from it.  There's not a week that goes by that we don't 
send something down to the island.  Sometimes it's a package of books 
and supplies for the kids, other times it's fabric or gardening 
supplies for Bydel and the women.  For Doyle's birthday we sent down 
a case of eighteen year old Scotch.  Bydel's next letter let us know 
that all the men appreciated that gift.  But mostly we send letters, 
lots and lots of letters.

Angel writes about the crisis du jour, I'll write about my classes or 
my latest round of bickering with Wesley.  Doyle writes back about 
the children and the things that they've been doing on the island. 
It's not much but it helps us to feel connected.  And I've seen a 
change in the letters.  I don't think Doyle realizes it yet, but he's 
healing.  He no longer writes of the future as something to be 
endured.  Instead he writes about the babies born in the village and 
how he looks forward to teaching them one day. 
 
Angel and I have talked about heading down for a visit in the fall.  
If things are slow then I think we're going to go.  We haven't 
mentioned our plans to Doyle yet.  We don't want to disappoint him if 
we can't make it because the world needs saving yet again.

The sound of the elevator door opening made me look up from 
addressing my latest letter.  "Hey!  Look what rose from the dead.  
Well, technically you're undead..." I snickered as Angel shot me a 
baleful glare and walked to the coffee maker.

"Thank god your coffee making has gotten better then your vampire 
humor," he muttered.

Rising from my desk I started for the front door intending to mail my 
letter and avoid Angel until he'd had his afternoon caffeine.  "Well 
you have to keep me around here for something...Oh God!"  The 
familiar ache started and I instinctively reached out for Angel.  He 
caught me and I burrowed my face into his chest trying to get away 
from the sights flashing through my brain.  I could barely feel his 
hand running down my back in an attempt to soothe me.  All I could do 
was whimper in fear as the images sorted themselves out and I 
realized what they meant.  

The Scourge was back.


~*~*~*~*~*~

Doyle -


You'd think I'd be used to it by now, that spilt second awareness 
that the life you've carefully constructed is about to fall down 
around you and nothing will ever be the same again. I should be.  
It's happened to me enough.  Maybe then I would be prepared and it 
wouldn't hurt so much.  But it seems like I'm never ready for the 
changes life throws at me.

I guess the first time my life fell apart was when I found out about 
my demon side.  All the dreams I had, the life I was building with 
Harry, our plans for the future, for a family, gone in the split 
second it took me to sneeze.  Harry might have been able to accept 
what I was but I couldn't.  So I ran and tried to bury the memories 
of everything I was and everything I'd lost under a flood of booze 
and bad company.

But the Powers That Be had other plans for me and I eventually began 
rebuilding my life in LA with Angel and Cordelia.  It wasn't much; I 
was the reluctant seer to the Powers' latest warrior, but Angel was 
the truest friend I'd had in my life.  And then there was the pretty 
girl...

I thought I was doing the right thing, the heroic thing.  I thought I 
was sacrificing myself so that my friends could live.  I thought it 
would be the end.  That Allen Francis Doyle would be nothing but a 
memory, a hero to hoist a pint to because he made the ultimate 
sacrifice.  

I was wrong.

Even now, it doesn't make sense to me.  How was I to know that the 
Gem of Amarra would somehow keep me alive, if you could call being 
all demon, with this face, alive?  Why?  I woke up in the hold of the 
Quintessa and I wanted nothing more then to die all over again.  But 
that wasn't to be, so I coped as best I could and started to build a 
simple life among the Javaran.  I wasn't happy.  I doubted that I 
ever could be again.  To me, happiness was the dark eyed, dark haired 
beauty that haunted my dreams.  But I knew that she wasn't for me, so 
I tried to be content with my students and the simple life I had 
found on the island.

And then they came, the friends I had sacrificed everything for.  
They came and they didn't accept the excuses I had for pushing them 
away.  The fragile peace I'd found, the life I was starting to build, 
it all fell apart as I watched the emotions in their eyes during the 
weeks they were here.  Rage, sorrow, love...

It was hard for them leave.  But it would have been harder for me to 
go and impossible for them to stay.  They have their purpose, Angel's 
the warrior and Cordelia's his seer.  I didn't belong with them any 
longer.

I've rebuilt my life once again.  It's a simple one, I teach the 
children, sit by the fire at night, eat dinner with Keidan and his 
family, laugh at Reiff's dry wit.  I've started to find some peace.  
Maybe the wounds are healing; maybe they've only scabbed over.  I 
don't know.  But it's enough for me for now.  It has to be.


~*~*~*~*~*~


I was midway through morning class when Reiff burst through the door 
at a run.  I looked up in alarm as he grabbed my arm and began to 
pull me from the room.

"What's wrong?"

"The beach..." he said breathlessly, "they need you."

"Wait!  Who needs me?"  If something was wrong I was reluctant to 
leave the children alone.  In the two years since the Javaran had 
come to the island they had found peace and safety.  The anxiety in 
Reiff's voice made me afraid that our idyll was at an end.  "What 
about the children?  Will they be safe here?  Should we get someone 
to watch them?  Take them to the caves?"

"No.  It's nothing like that."  Pausing for a moment, Reiff looked at 
me with worried eyes.  "It's Cordelia, she's on the beach with my dad 
and Dryan."

Cordy?  Here?  Unbidden, my heart leapt in anticipation of seeing her 
again. Despite our frequent letters, I had missed her and Angel 
desperately when they returned to LA.  For a second I thought they 
had come to surprise me with a visit, but a quick glance at the 
bright morning sun and the anxious look in Reiff's eyes made me 
realize that it was nothing as simple as that.  I took a deep breath 
to calm my rising apprehension and turned to face my curious 
class.  "Okay, it seems like I'm needed at the beach.  You get the 
rest of the day off.  But remember to do your math homework."  The 
words were no sooner out of my mouth then Reiff pulled me through the 
door and began to run down the jungle path towards the beach.  

As Reiff and I burst from the shadows of the jungle onto the bright 
expanse of beach, I quickly noted the trawler anchored beyond the 
reef that sheltered our cove, as well as the Zodiac that had 
obviously brought the small group of people standing with Keidan and 
Dryan ashore.  But Cordelia captured my attention as she thrust a 
small bundle into Harry's arms and began to race across the sand 
towards me.  I had little time to ponder the sudden and surprise 
appearance of my ex-wife before a sobbing Cordelia threw herself into 
my arms.


~*~*~*~*~*~

Cordelia -


I hadn't planned on falling apart.  I'd held myself together for 
almost a week.  I'd been terrified as once again the Scourge marched 
through the streets of Los Angeles.  Devastated, as my friends 
sacrificed themselves so that I could save a tiny child.  Exhausted, 
as I endlessly walked the hold of the ship that carried us to safety, 
trying desperately to care for a newborn that wanted the comfort and 
nourishment only it's absent mother could provide.  I had held myself 
together as Harry explained to Dryan and Keidan why we were there and 
I watched their eyes fill with sorrow.  But the tenuous control I'd 
struggled to keep hold of fell apart when Doyle ran onto the beach 
and began to approach us.  Without thinking, I pushed the baby into 
Harry's arms and began to run.

I fell into Doyle's arms and we collapsed in a small heap on the warm 
sand.  His arms tightened around me as he murmured soothing sounds 
into my hair.  I wanted to speak, to tell him of the horrors I'd 
seen, of the loss of our friend; but I couldn't get the words out 
around the lump in my throat.  I heard the others approach, and said 
nothing in protest when Doyle told them that we'd meet them in the 
village in a hour.

Gradually my tears stopped.  As I lifted my hand to wipe at my eyes, 
Doyle pulled away until he was sitting next to me, no longer touching 
me.  I sighed sadly, knowing that despite our letters, he still let 
his physical appearance separate us.

"What's happened Cordelia?  Why are you here?  Where's Angel?"

Taking a deep breath, I reached out and took Doyle's hand in my own 
and held it tightly.  "Angel's gone.  I'm here because there's no 
where else I can go."  My voice broke as I spoke the words and 
watched the shock blossom in his eyes.

"How?" he breathed.

"The Scourge.  Again."  I shivered, once again feeling the fear and 
loss.  "They appeared suddenly last week.  There was barely any 
warning.  Suddenly, they were everywhere.  It was like a war zone.  
Angel and I were trying to set up transportation to get some Veritan 
demons out of the city.  They were going to join another clan in 
Idaho.  We'd gotten most of them out, but there was one woman...she 
was pregnant.  She went into labor just before they were supposed to 
leave."  It was hard; remembering the pain Melian had gone through, 
the physical pain of a hard labor added to the emotional pain of 
knowing her husband was dead at the hands of the Scourge.  "We were 
hiding in an old apartment building near the docks.  Luna, you know, 
the healer Angel and I had been working with, was helping us take 
care of the injured.  She said that Melian should stay and deliver 
the baby, that we would send them to Idaho later.  We thought it 
would be safer for her..." 

"It wasn't?" Doyle asked quietly.

"No.  Melian was in labor most of the day.  She finally delivered the 
baby a little before sunset.  We wanted to leave but she was so 
weak.  We thought we could let her rest a bit before we moved her.  
And then suddenly the soldiers were there..."


~*~*~*~*~*~


"Angel!  They're coming!  I can hear them!  Hurry!"  

As I frantically paced the small room, Angel hurried in with Melian 
in his arms and Luna at his heels.  Quickly, he glanced around the 
room until he found a place to set the weakened Veritan woman 
down.  "Melian?  How are you doing?" he asked quietly.

I couldn't hear if she replied and stepped closer to check on her.  A 
sudden knot formed in the pit of my stomach at the sight of her pale 
face and closed eyes.
 
"Cordelia!" Angel spoke sharply, his eyes focused on the corridor we 
had just left.  

The grim set of his face had me worried.  "What?  Is she okay?  If we 
can just make it to the car..." But as I turned around to follow his 
worried gaze, I realized that something was wrong with Luna.  She had 
collapsed on a wooden crate just inside the room. I moved quickly to 
her side, adjusting my small burden and putting my free arm around 
her shoulders.  "Luna, what's wrong?"

"I'm sorry child, but I can't keep up like this.  My heart..." She 
took a shallow breath and I suddenly became aware of exactly how 
uneven her breathing was.  "Promise me you'll watch over Fallon?"

"Luna, it's not that far to the car.  We can make it.  I'll help 
you." I begged desperately.

"Child, my time is done.  Leave me and get the little one in your 
arms to safety.  That's what's important now."

"Angel!  Tell her she's wrong!"  I looked at Angel, hoping for his 
support.  Instead I was frozen by the determined look on his face.  A 
look I had seen only once before, two years previous in the hold of 
the Quintessa.  "Angel, no..." I whispered.

"Cordelia, they're too close.  I can buy you some time.  Please?  
Just take the baby and go."

"But Melian?  Luna?"  Surely he couldn't expect me to let them die 
just to save myself and the tiny girl I carried in my arms.

"Melian's dead."

"And I'm dying," Luna added quietly.  "Go Cordelia."

"I can't.  I've already lost one person because of the Scourge.  I 
can't lose you too."  I wanted to scream and to rage at the injustice 
of it but I couldn't summon the energy from my breaking heart.  "We 
can make it..."

Angel reached out and pulled me into a tight embrace.  "I'll meet you 
at Harry's."  The words 'if I can' hung in the air between us. I felt 
the cool brush of his lips against my forehead and I closed my eyes 
to stop the tears from flowing.  "And Cordelia, you're not alone.  
You'll never be alone."

I nodded, and stepped back.  Lifting my hand, I gently brushed 
Angel's cheek.  "I love you, you know that, don't you?"  I turned my 
gaze to Luna, "Both of you."

"We know child.  Now go!"

I turned and ran blindly, clutching the baby in my arms tightly.  I'm 
not sure how long I ran, but suddenly Angel's car was in front of 
me.  As I placed the baby on the seat next to me, the thought crossed 
my mind that I didn't have a car seat.  I had to force down the 
hysterical laughter that threatened to overwhelm me as I put the car 
into gear and got the hell out of Dodge.


~*~*~*~*~*~

Doyle - 


"Angel never made it to Harry's?" I asked quietly.

"No." Cordelia whispered.  "Gunn and I went back the next morning.  
But there had been a fire..." I could feel my heart break as I 
watched the tears well up in her eyes.  "I kept hoping that he made 
it into the sewers.  That he would do the stealth guy thing and just 
magically appear like he always did.  But he didn't..."

I didn't know what to say.  I was saddened at the death of my friend 
and knew that I would grieve deeply once the shock had worn off.  But 
for now, the emptiness in Cordelia's eyes scared me.  "What can I do?"

"I don't know.  I need to figure out what to do myself.  What I need 
to do for the kids."  Cordelia wiped the tears from her cheeks 
slowly.  "I just don't know where to start."

"Kids?" I questioned.  I realized that she had talked about a baby 
but I didn't think she'd mentioned twins.

"Melian's baby.  Poor thing, she doesn't even have a name yet."  She 
slowly rose to her feet and began to brush the sand off.  "And then 
there's Fallon, Luna's grandson.  He's nine.  He's half human, half 
Caritany demon."

The glint in Cordelia's eyes had me worried.  And I prayed that she 
wasn't planning what I was almost certain she was.  "Isn't there 
anyone you could send them to?  Don't they have families?"

"No.  The Scourge killed Melian's husband the first day they came 
back to town.  And Fallon's parents were killed in an earthquake a 
few years ago.  I'm all they have.  And I'll be enough."  She glared 
at me, as if daring me to contradict her.  

"I'm sure you will be." I said soothingly.  But at the same time, I 
still couldn't picture Cordelia mothering two demon children.  
Sighing, I made mental plans to discuss the situation with Dryan and 
Keidan.  Perhaps one of the Javaran families would be willing to take 
the children in.  "Why don't we head into the village now.  I'm sure 
they're worried about you."

"Yeah, we should.  It's almost time for the baby to be fed and she 
doesn't take formula from Harry that well."

I stopped at the mention of my ex-wife's name.  We'd exchanged 
letters in the two years since Angel and Cordelia had been to the 
island, but I still wasn't certain if I was ready to face her. 

My uncertainty must have been fairly obvious, at least to Cordelia. 
She shook her head slowly, her hands clenching and unclenching at her 
sides. Exhaling shakily, she spoke, "Doyle. Please. Don't do this, 
not tonight. I need her here. She needs to be here. Angel and Luna 
were her friends too." She paced several steps across the sand and 
then stopped, her face pale as she waited for me to walk over to her. 
Her voice, when she continued, was alive with all the emotions she 
was struggling to keep in check. "Do you know how happy she was to 
know you were alive? What you look like doesn't matter to her 
either." 

I rolled my eyes slightly, unable to keep myself from reacting to her 
assurance of Harry's acceptance. According to Cordelia, everyone 
accepted me. I knew better. Cordelia paused, her face falling as she 
took in my expression. She nodded slowly, her eyes full of 
disappointment. "I thought that things might have changed in two 
years. But I guess not." 

She turned slowly, her shoulders slumped as she crossed the sand, 
into the jungle canopy and disappeared.

I remained standing on the beach for long minutes as I slowly 
realized that once again the simple life I had built for myself was 
about to be disrupted. And once again, I was sure it was only going 
to hurt.


~*~*~*~*~*~

Harry -


Where was my notebook?

I was exhausted.  I'd been traveling continuously for four days, had 
spent the three days before that caring for refugees of the Scourge 
and trying to protect my friends.  The last thing on my mind should 
have been a desperate desire for my field notebook.  But as the two 
Javaran men and the adolescent boy led the Fallon and I into the 
center of a small village, the first thought that raced through my 
mind was "I should document this.  It's a perfect example of what a 
demon community would be like if they didn't have to hide in the 
shadows."

My second thought was that the baby was wet and it was only a matter 
of time before she began to cry.  As much as I knew Cordelia needed 
to be with Francis, I couldn't help but hope that she wasn't going to 
be too long, because try as I might, I lacked her ability to comfort 
the little girl.  As the Javaran stepped away to speak to the curious 
villagers, I shifted the baby to one arm and tried to root through 
the backpack I carried to find a diaper.  

"Can I go with Reiff?  Please?" Fallon asked.

I had to smile at the young boy.  He was practically jumping with 
energy, a far cry from my exhausted state.  "Sure honey.  But don't 
wander off too far."  I watched him run off, amazed at the resiliency 
of youth.  He'd lost his only remaining relative less then a week 
before and yet he was overcome with the need to explore his new 
surroundings.

"May I help?"

I looked up to find an older Javaran woman before me.  "You look as 
if you could use a hand.  Why don't I take the baby while you get 
what you need?  And it will give you a chance to have some juice.  
Keidan, my husband, says you've been traveling for several days."  
She took the baby from my hands and cradled her with an ease that 
spoke of years of practice.  With a slight movement of her hand she 
motioned me to join her at a bench outside one of the buildings.

As I pulled the changing pad and diaper out of the backpack, the 
woman took them from my hands and quickly began changing the 
baby.  "I'm Bydel.  You met Keidan, my husband, and Reiff, our son, 
on the beach."  She smiled broadly.  "And here comes my daughter, 
Belina with that juice I mentioned."

Belina.  Suddenly I started to put the names together with the 
stories Cordelia and Angel had told me of their time on the island 
and with the names of the people Doyle had mentioned in his letters 
to them.  I smiled as the little girl shyly held a hollowed out 
coconut to me.  "Hello Belina.  I'm really glad to meet a famous 
artist like yourself."  The young girl turned away self-consciously 
as Bydel looked up from changing the baby.  "I'm Doyle's..." I 
paused, uncertain of how to explain exactly who I was.  I knew that 
the Javaran were aware of his feelings for Cordelia and I didn't want 
to make things uncomfortable for either of them.  "I'm an old friend 
of Doyle's."

Bydel smiled.  "His ex-wife, the ethnodemonologist, you mean."

I had to laugh.  "Yes.  And I have to admit; I really wish I had a 
notebook right now.  The village looks wonderful!"

"We're very proud of it.  It's been wonderful to create a community 
to like this.  Where we didn't have to hide.  Where our children 
could have a normal life."

"Where they could go to school?" I couldn't help myself.  I was 
interested in hearing what these people had to say about Francis and 
curious if he had ever accepted losing his human half.

"Yes, where they can go to school.  We're lucky to have such a 
skilled teacher for the children."  Bydel finished changing the baby 
and settled her into her arms.

"Mr. Doyle is the best teacher," piped Belina from her perch next to 
her mother.  "He's teaching us how to do fractions now."

"Is he really?  Is he using the new books that Cordelia sent down?"

Belina nodded eagerly.  "Those are fun.  There's lots of puzzles in 
them."  The baby started to fuss then and attracted the little girl's 
attention.  "What's the baby's name?  Is it your baby?  Is it a boy 
or girl?  How old is the baby?"

I shook my head sadly.  "She's only four days old.  She doesn't have 
a name yet and no, she's not my baby."

"She's not?  Is she Cordelia's baby then?  Why doesn't she have a 
name?"

"No she's not.  Her mother died when she was born.  Cordelia has been 
taking care of her.  She really hasn't had a chance to think of a 
name for her."

"Oh.  That's sad.  Where is Cordy?  Daddy says she's here and I 
haven't seen her in soooo long."

"She's on the beach with Mr. Doyle. And no," Bydel stated as Belina 
started to move, "you can't go meet her.  Wait until she comes back 
here.  And no arguments!"

"Yes ma'am."

I smiled at the resignation in the child's voice.  It was pleasant 
sitting in the midst of the trees, enjoying a cool drink, surrounded 
by friendly people.  For the first time in over a week, I could feel 
the tension begin to drain away.


~*~*~*~*~*~

Cordelia - 


Stepping through the jungle canopy into the village clearing was like 
coming home.  I could see a group of women working around the cook 
fire and Dryan directing some of the men in one of the nearby 
fields.  Automatically my feet started to take me in the direction of 
Bydel's home.

"Cordelia!" Belina raced across the clearing and threw herself in my 
arms.  "You came back!"

I wrapped my arms around her sturdy body and swung her around.  "I 
told you I would!  You've gotten so big!"  

As I let her go, she grabbed my hand and began to pull me towards her 
house, chattering all the while.  "That's a cute baby you have.  Miss 
Harry let me hold her for a minute.  Can I hold her again later?  Did 
that boy come with you?" 

Bydel smiled as Belina led me to her.  Rising to her feet, she 
shifted the baby to one arm and enveloped me in a tight hug with her 
free one.  "Cordelia," she said softly.  "I'm so sorry."

The tears started again and I angrily wiped at my eyes.  "I know," I 
said shakily, "it's just so hard."  Searching for a distraction I 
reached out for the baby.  "Here, let me take her."  Bydel gently 
slid the tiny girl into my arms and I focused my attention on 
her.  "Hey baby girl, how are you doing?"

"Bydel had better success feeding her then I did."  Harry shook her 
head.  "I guess I haven't mastered that maternal instinct yet."

"Really?" I raised my eyebrows.  "And I have?  I'm making this up as 
I go along."

"Well it seems you've done a fine job so far.  And if you have any 
questions, ask me.  I can help." Bydel sat back on the bench and 
motioned for me to join her.  She and Harry exchanged looks before 
Harry rose to her feet.

"I'm going off to find Fallon and make sure he's not bothering Reiff 
too much."

"When you find them, tell them to come home for dinner.  We'll eat 
earlier tonight.  I'm sure you're all hungry."  Smiling, Bydel 
watched Harry walk across the village.  "Belina, why don't you go 
with Harry?  Show her where to find Reiff?"

"Mommy!!!"

"Go!  I want to talk to Cordelia for a bit."

With a resigned sigh, Belina turned and started after Harry.  But her 
disappointment didn't last long, as her natural enthusiasm kicked in 
and she began to race to catch up with Harry's departing figure.

"So..." Bydel began.  She didn't look at me; instead she played with 
the baby, letting her tiny hand grip her finger and pull.

"So..." I echoed softly.  

"Would you like to talk about it?"

"What's there to say?  Angel's gone.  I have to take care of the 
kids.  It's nothing I can't handle." I tried to be strong but my 
voice cracked on the last words.

"I'm not saying you can't Cordelia.  Not at all.  You're one of the 
strongest people I know."  She lifted her eyes from the baby and 
focused them at a spot across the clearing before continuing.  "But 
when bad things happen, it does help to talk about it, Maybe make 
some sense of it."

"But that's the thing!  It doesn't make sense." I started to get 
angry then, not at Bydel, but at the fickleness of fate.  "He wasn't 
supposed to die like that.  He was supposed to die like a man. He was 
supposed to have gray hair and wrinkles and be surrounded by people 
who loved him. He was supposed to get that chance."

Bydel looked at me sharply, the slightest hint of surprise on her 
face.  "Cordelia?" Her tone was worried, her eyes clearly conveying 
her concern.  "What are you saying?"

I turned back to her, tears rushing to my eyes as I shifted the baby 
to my shoulder. Cradling the tiny head against my neck, I rose to my 
feet and began pacing in front of the cabin. "Remember?  The 
prophecy? I know I wrote you about that.  He was going to become 
human." I stopped, closing my eyes against the grief that raged 
inside me. "He worked so hard, saved so many people. He shouldn't 
have died that way. He shouldn't have died alone."

"He didn't." Bydel said clearly, pushing herself up from the bench 
and walking over to me. She stopped in front of me, her voice firm as 
she continued. "He had you."

"But I wasn't there." I whispered, my voice cracking. "I left him. I 
left them both there to die."

Bydel frowned, shaking her head gently. "You loved him and he knew 
that.  So did Luna.  They didn't die alone." Reaching out, she pulled 
me into her arms, the baby caught securely between us as I sobbed on 
her shoulder.

When my tears finally stopped, Bydel gently led me into the house for 
her magical cure all, a cup of tea.  As she moved around her work 
counter preparing dinner, I slowly sipped my tea and tried to relax.

"What are you going to do now?" Bydel asked quietly as she prepared a 
large salad. 

"I want to stay here." I whispered, then again more forcefully.  "I 
want to stay here."  There.  It was out in the open.  Part of me 
thought I was nuts, that I was throwing away my best chance at a 
normal life by choosing to stay on the island.  But really, what was 
normal anymore?  I was mourning the death of a vampire, comforted by 
a Javaran demon.  My most immediate concern was whether or not the 
tiny baby in my arms had enough to eat and a dry diaper, the fact 
that her skin was tinged purple and there were small horns on her 
forehead didn't seem important.  "I'm tired.  I don't want to fight 
any longer.  I don't want the visions.  I don't want to wait any 
longer, wondering if Angel and Wesley are going to make it home okay. 
I want..."

"Cordelia, stop!" Bydel looked up at me and smiled.  "You don't have 
to justify yourself to me."

"You understand?"

"Of course I do.  What better place would there be for you to raise 
your children?" she stated matter-of-factly. 

I don't know why I was so amazed that Bydel so quickly guessed the 
secret thoughts that I'd had been having; the plans I'd been making 
in my mind.  Sometimes I think, no, I know that she knows me better 
then my own mother.  It's pretty ironic isn't it?  My mother raised 
me for eighteen years; I spent slightly more then three weeks with 
Bydel and then exchanged letters for two years, yet she knew almost 
immediately what my heart wanted.  "You're right.  This is the best 
place for them."  I hesitated but then continued, "And it's the best 
place for me to.  Don't get me wrong.  I love Harry and Wesley, even 
Gunn and Kate, but without Angel...They don't need me any longer.  I 
want to build a life here.  With the kids, with you, with Doyle..."

Bydel stopped chopping carrots and raised her eyebrows.  "You do 
realize he's going to have a million reasons why this is the wrong 
thing?"

I nodded in agreement and then smiled for the first time in a 
week.  "Well I'm just going to have to have a million and one reasons 
why it's the right one."


~*~*~*~*~*~

Doyle - 


From the trees, I watched Cordelia walk across the village and into 
Bydel's waiting arms.  I didn't need my enhanced demon hearing to 
tell me she was crying.  It was obvious from her bowed head and the 
shaking of her shoulders.  I cursed as I fought back the urge to go 
to her, to be the one that comforted her.  

Reluctantly I torn my gaze from Cordelia and headed in the direction 
of Beli's pond.  I needed time to think and plan, to harden my heart 
to the need I had seen in Cordelia's eyes.  If I wasn't careful I 
could be drawn into those deep eyes.  And if I did, impossible dreams 
wouldn't seem so impossible any more.

I was so lost in thought that I didn't hear the splashing until I was 
in the middle of the clearing and my ex-wife was at my side.   

"Francis," she greeted me, her eyes shiny with tears. 

"Harry." I greeted her calmly, as if my world hadn't just fallen 
apart. As if half my family hadn't just died.  As if I wasn't seeing 
her for the first time in two years.  As if she wasn't seeing my 
demon face for the first time since I had learned to control the 
change.

Beli scrambled across the rocks, zoomed over the sand and scooted 
into my arms. "Did you meet Fallon?" She leaned up, wrapping her arms 
tightly around my neck and forcing me to bend down so that she could 
whisper in my ear. "I'm going to marry him someday."

I smiled at her, loving her innocence even more on this day. 
Whispering back to her, I said. "Well, why don't you take your future 
husband on a tour of the village?"

She nodded, running over to Fallon and grabbing his hand. He seemed 
slightly stunned, but more than willing to follow after her as they 
disappeared through the trees. Reiff stood then, walking over and 
placing his hand on my shoulder. I nodded, grateful for his presence 
as I turned my attention back to Harry.

"Francis." She began, her arms reaching out for me as she closed the 
distance between us. "I'm so sorry. I wish that we were here under 
better circumstances. I know how much Angel meant to you."

I took a step backwards and turned away, my chest 
tightening. "Shouldn't I be saying that to you? I mean, you're the 
one who's been there the last two years."

Harry shook her head, her face flushing slightly. "Francis..."

I cut her off, moving back across the sand before I could change my 
mind.
Reaching out I ran my hand gently over her cheek, wiping a stray tear 
away. "I know." I whispered.

She nodded, her shoulders straightening. "Okay. Well. I guess I 
should go find Fallon. Cordelia's told me about Beli's wandering 
tendencies.  And Bydel did mention something about dinner.  I should 
go help."

I remained silent as she picked up her bag and followed the path 
through the trees.  When she finally disappeared through the lush 
foliage I let myself sag, dropping onto one of the large boulders 
that lined the small beach.  "This can't be real." I whispered, more 
to myself than Reiff.

He answered anyway, crossing the sand to sit next to me. "I'm sorry."

"Yeah, we're all sorry." I said bitterly, twisting my fingers 
together. "Harry's sorry, you're sorry, everyone's sorry. Angel's 
still dead though."

Reiff leaned forward, his hands resting on his knees. "He died a 
hero."

"So did I." I replied angrily. "And look what it got me." I stood, 
pacing angrily across the small beach. "I should have been there. I 
could have stopped it, saved him. I could have done something."

"They would have killed you." Reiff answered.

I stopped pacing, turning to look at him. "No." I whispered, "They 
wouldn't have. I'm a full demon, just like them."

"But you're not like them.  Don't fool yourself."  Reiff sighed, an 
amazingly adult sigh as if he was the teacher and I was the stubborn 
student.  "The half-breed thing, that's just an excuse.  Nobody is 
pure enough for them except others of their own kind."

"But I could have done something."

"Yeah?  Like maybe getting yourself killed?  And then were would 
Cordelia have gone?  Who would she have turned to?"

There was something about the way Reiff spoke that made me 
nervous.  "Why do you think she's here for me?  Last I saw your mom 
was doing a good job of providing moral support."

"Only because you were probably being an ass." Reiff picked up a 
handful of stones from the ground near his feet and stood.  Carefully 
he began pitching the rocks at the water, nodding in satisfaction as 
they skipped across the mirror-like surface of the pond.  "Tell me, 
how long did you hold her on the beach?  How quickly did you pull 
away?  Did you give her a hard time about bringing Harry here?"

Sometimes it still surprises me how well Reiff knows me.  I don't 
know why.  God only knows we've talked enough.  He's the only one 
I've talked to about what might have been.  He's the only one who 
knows how much Cordelia's letters have meant to me these past two 
years.  "You know what she's planning don't you?"

Flicking his last stone across the pond, he turned to face me.  "I 
can guess.  The question is, what are you going to do?"

I could only shrug.  I honestly had no idea what to do.

Reiff took pity on me then.  "Come on.  My mother has probably cooked 
enough food to feed the entire village by now.  Why don't we go get 
some?"